Today is Women's Day all over the world, and we can notice different reactions from people to the meaning of the date. Some take a moment to celebrate important women in their lives, others find it the ideal occasion to point the struggles of being one in modern society, and many also observe how far we came as artists, academics and other occupations. I myself took the time to reflect on the main things I've learned till this day about being a woman, and decided to transform some of it into rules that I follow and share it with other women in case it may be useful.
Of course, I'm only in my 20's and obviously there are many people wiser than me at any age. But like every person in the world, I had my battles in life and was challenged to learn through them. The right path of knowledge is to be constantly improving, and although I believe this 5 rules represent who I am today, I might write 5 more in a couple of months based on what I discover about the world.
But if I could return to the past and talk to my early teenage version, that's what I would say:
1. KEEP YOUR SHOULDERS BACK
This is actually inspired by Dr. Jordan Peterson's first rule in "12 rules for life". His idea was based on the behavior of lobsters concerning hierarchies and competition for status, observing that the defeated animals assume a postural flexion, much like us humans when depressed or deeply afraid of something. Standing up straight with the shoulders back, on the other hand, is a dominant body posture that signals high competence status, consciousness and also courage to face challenges.
Even though for many reasons a lot of women avoid exposing the front of their bodies in that way, I've learned that keeping the shoulders back is maybe more important for us than it is for men. It doesn't really matter in this case if you are shy or embarrassed of something, what matters is that, apart from people tending to treat you with more respect, potential predators would think twice before trying to harm you because they wouldn't know if you are afraid. Signaling that level of confidence by going out on the streets or entering a room presenting a good posture forces the world to give you the benefit of the doubt. With time, you'll probably become more confident in reality, and that opens more doors that you can imagine.
2. BE BOLD TO FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH
Although I'm far from being a revolutionary in this sense, it seems to exist a war in the modern western world concerning how to be a woman. In one hand, some say you should be independent and career oriented, engage in as many casual relationships as you please 'cause there's no self harm in it whatsoever, and ignore everything that is remotely traditional. Others, on the opposite side, preach that women should return to being submissive to men, have no goals and be restrained from participating in the political process. And it's possible for you to be easily devoured in any of these roads if you don't pay attention to your values or let them aside just to please others.
Girlies, the world is full of expectations for us. In every place we present ourselves, every friendship we make or partner we date, every choice we make regarding our careers, the culture states how we should behave and what should be our path in life. And this is not necessarily bad, as long as you are able to distinguish what is good for you from what is convenient to the world. I've been seeing so many women spending their best years suffering in soul-crushing jobs or attached to partners that don't respect them, that I feel like a duty to tell you and me that we are build for more, and that we should act as truthful as possible to ourselves.
As a woman, you need a beautiful goal in life, one that fulfills you, in spite of what others may say. You can also have a silly goose time whenever you feel like it, without worrying about being productive all the time. And you should be able to say no and stand up for your values when the world tries to fit you in a box or offers you something harmful - because it will, sooner or later. Of course, at times you'll have to play by the rules and simply get things done, but just don't let it take your bright, because you bring too much value to the world for it.
3. DO NOT EXPECT GOOD INTENTIONS FROM EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT CROSSES YOUR WAY
Women tend to be more agreeable than men, and this is a consistent scientific finding in personality studies across cultures in the world. Although some women may be more disagreeable than the average, the typical feminine avoids engaging in conflict and treats people with a great level of politeness and compassion. These are wonderful characteristics and significantly useful and valuable to the modern world, hence our over representation in functions like nursing and kindergarten teaching. However, agreeable people can have trouble realizing that not only the world is full of bad intended individuals, but they may be so manipulative that they probably won't notice it.
The outcomes of blinding themselves to this reality may vary on levels of danger, from being the target of jealous or bully fake friends to being the victim of dark tetrad men. So if you understand that you are very compassionate or a "good" person (as people like to define agreeable individuals), you need to protect yourself by training to identify those who don't really want the best for you or make you feel vulnerable. This is not an injunction for you to distrust everyone, but rather a call to wait and observe before becoming fully accessible to someone, specially one who is not yet a part of your closest social circle, and this is for sure an efficient mechanism to keep you safe.
4. EAT SUGAR
This one is gonna be controversial, but so is the whole nutrition sphere. Like so many girls, I spent my teenage years obsessed with losing weight and keeping it away, and I've tried every possible diet and exercises routine that would cross my way. However, transforming my own body into a "biohacking" lab led me to dangerous roads - the terrible outcomes of the intermittent fasting plus severe restriction of carbs combo being the last I can relate to.
See, I'm in no way stating that it cannot work for some people. In fact, I actually respect the average "carb-phobic" or keto community member who generally understands that having a healthy body means more than calories in calories out, and is willing to abstain from certain foods. But the thing about this approach is that medium to long term scientific research is seldom developed with female cohorts, and the response of our bodies to dieting is usually much more complex than male's. For instance, the brilliant work of Dr. Ray Peat shows that not only sugar is been wrongfully blamed for almost every modern disease, but that it's impossible for a woman to have an optimal functioning thyroid without it.
Our bodies are smart machines and crave sugar for a reason, and if we want a soothed nervous system as well as energy to put our best in the world, we need to be eating considerable amounts of it. I know, it may seem crazy to read something like that, but it's not my intention to elaborate the pro-sugar case in this article. For now, the situation is something like "we don't have time, but trust me, eat thy honey-loaded fruits!". Of course, that doesn't mean you should go running to the nearest McDonalds nor spend your days baking cakes. Some foods are in fact harmful and should definitely be avoided by anyone - seed oils and the majority of grains, to be more specific. But as a woman, if you are consistently eating easily digestible fruits, milk and cheesecake among with eggs, carrots and coconut oil you're probably in a good direction. And for the sake of your progesterone levels, say yes to the delicious Easter chocolate eggs your family will kindly give you next month.
5. FIND BEAUTY IN THE WORLD
A process that occurs in the lives of many people is that time when we open our eyes to the reality of the world and start seeing everything that is wrong with it. And this is not a hard task: you can go out to the streets right now and reach the conclusion that it is a miracle we're not in the middle of a civil war every single day. And that, aligned to the suffering we all have at times in our lives, can make us bitter and blind to the good.
But one thing I've noticed is that women have a special relationship with what is beautiful, meaningful and even divine in the world. It's not only about recognizing physical beauty, it's actually related to having a sensibility to the things that calm our nervous system and inspire us, in the deepest sense, to be the best we can. And that means feeling well integrated around puppies of all species, well-watered flowers, clean environments, smiles, sunsets, and so many other elements of life that may be only ordinary things to those embedded by cynicism.
If you've been through so much that you lost the your natural ability to see beauty in the middle of chaos, that implies that you are missing a great part of what's good about being alive. And I'm not naive, yes, the world is full of malevolence and ugliness, but that doesn't mean our souls should be a part of it. Meaning is struggling to stay strong despite what is bad, and it's not hard to be found. So go find beauty in the world, and if you have trouble with this mission, you just look in the mirror.
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